To The Man I End Up With: Damn, I Can't Wait To Love You.
UPDATE: This is the first article I had published. I wrote it for myself in the midst of heartbreak and wasn't planning to submit it anywhere. But, I did. Just because. This isn't the kind of article I want to put out all the time, but it means a lot to me, and I knew it would put some smiles on some faces. I've gotten very mixed responses from people who love it to people who think I'm naive and living in a fantasy world, and I respect everyone's opinion (although some of us can agree to disagree). I wholeheartedly believe in the kind of love I've written about here, and it's one of the things in this world I'm completely confident in. I'm well aware that life isn't all raindbows and butterflies, and things happen that break us down and test every bit of faith, hope, love, and compassion within us. And that is why we need others. We need to love ourselves, love others, and accept healthy love from others. Unfortunately, it seems like broken and unhealthy relationships are "the norm." It's less common to have strong, healthy love--a true partnership with mutual trust and respect. And that is why I've received the negative responses that I have. To that I say: You can want (and have) true love and partnership AND be independent and empowered. To me, that's what this article is a symbol of.
Hey, you. I don't know who you are, whether I've met you before or not, and yet, I love you more than anything in this entire world.
For not even having a face or memories to attach this to, I'm weirdly emotional and, somehow, so full of love for you. Whoever you are, wherever you are, you're somewhere out there becoming the man that I've been waiting my whole life for. And eventually we're going to meet. Maybe we have met.
I don't need to know the answers to these questions to know that you are everything I've been dreaming of and more. I know you would fix my broken heart right now if you could. Then again, I know I need to feel this pain so that I can appreciate what you're going to bring into my life that much more. I just want to get back the chunk of my heart that's currently missing so I can give every bit of it to you. Buuut, I guess I'll keep waiting patiently. The day will come, and holy crap, I can’t wait!
I wonder how your heart is right now. I wonder what kind of love you've had. I've only loved one person at this point, and everything I've been through with him has showed me what I want and need. It's made me endlessly excited to grow in love with you when our time comes. I've had great, passionate love (I'm so happy you're not a jealous guy and I can tell you that), but I haven't had healthy love yet. Thank you in advance for giving me great, passionate, healthy love all wrapped up together (with a whole lot of goofiness, of course!). It's all I've ever wanted.
Sometimes I lie in bed at night and talk to you. I tell you about my day and how excited I am to one day be able to look you in the eyes and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you're it for me. To have a face and memories to attach this to.
I wonder if I'll fall in love with anyone else before you, but I'm secretly hoping you'll be the next and last one for me. I guess it won't matter either way. Once you have me, you'll have my whole heart, not a bit less. And I know you'll take good care of it. The best care. Because I would never settle for less than that, and you would never make me.
I don't know if I have any real fears in this life, but there are obviously things that scare me a little. The only thing that makes me less scared is you. Simply knowing the kind of love we're going to share and work at together makes everything seem less scary. All the big and little things I want to do and accomplish in my life are so much less daunting when I think of you. And I couldn't be more grateful for that.
Wow… I am so excited for everything that's to come. The best things in our lives haven't even happened yet. How nuts is that?! We have so much to look forward to, and I could scream right now just thinking about how cool that is. (But, I won't do that, because it's late, and I have roommates, ya know?)
We're going to get to fall in love and come to know each other’s quirks and various facial expressions and favorite music and movies and memories. Sure, at least one other person will have already come to know a lot of those things about me, and I'm sure it's the same for you. But, that won't cheapen it in the slightest. It'll all take on a new meaning when it's you and me coming to know these things together.
We're going to travel and laugh and try new foods and laugh and go to concerts and laugh. (I guess we like to laugh a lot, huh? I can dig it.)
We'll send each other silly pictures of ourselves that no one else is allowed to see, as well as texts with tons of inside jokes and words from a language we basically made up.
We'll try to share as much of our childhoods with each other as we can remember, because we want to spend our lives getting to know each other more and more, no matter how close we feel we are.
We'll sing in the car together and play sports together and make poop jokes a big part of our relationship. (Gotta have those poop jokes.)
We'll push each other to be better every single day, to pursue our passions and career goals, and we'll strive to be the best versions of ourselves for our individual selves and each other.
Eventually there will come a point when we decide we want to spend the rest of our lives having sleepovers with each other. This will be about the same time I steal your last name. (Sorry not sorry, I kinda like it.)
And with all this extra time together, we'll spend an obnoxious amount of hours exploring each others' bodies and making love and giggling when we spice things up only to realize some things are just effing weird. But, some spice will definitely be welcomed.
Soon enough, some tiny humans will make it harder for us to sleep (and do other things…hint, hint, wink, wink), and we'll be stuck between pure joy and wanting to throw said tiny humans out a window (but we won't do that second thing, obviously).
We'll make some mistakes, but that won't stop us from being the best parenting team in the league. (Psst, let's add some incredible humans to the population, shall we?)
We'll provide the kind of home for our children that I didn't have growing up but always knew I would have one day.
We'll raise genuinely confident and compassionate children who turn into genuinely confident and compassionate adults that go above and beyond to be good and do good. The kind of adults that stand for and with other human beings and noble causes. The kind of adults that keep the spirit of childhood living on inside of them forever, just like their parents do.
Before we know it, we'll go from having a full, laughter-filled house to having a not-so-full, but still laughter-filled, house. (Look at us, we're still laughing! High five, babe!)
At this point we'll realize that it's just the two of us again, and time is moving. We're getting older. But, we're just as in love as we were before. Probably ten times more in love now. (I can't help it, watching you be an amazing father to our children is hot).
We'll have some more days to relax than we did before.
We'll try to see every movie, watch every show, read every book, and listen to every song that we've ever wanted to. It'll never happen, but we'll try to take in as much art and entertainment as we possibly can (shout out to Netflix and/or whatever people are using in the future to do that sorta thing).
Sometimes, we'll lie around and read next to each other in silence for a while, and other times we'll wrestle like children for a while. These things might even occur back-to-back. (Dang, we're so versatile!).
Having this time to relax will allow us to sit back and appreciate (even more than we already did) the life we've built together and all we've accomplished.
Because, hey, we'll have done real good.
We'll have taught each other so much and learned so much from each other.
We'll have elevated each other.
We'll have remembered what truly matters in life and what doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
We'll have been loyal, faithful, compassionate, and trustworthy.
We'll have communicated openly and honestly.
We'll have respected and spoken highly of each other, whether we were in a room together or in completely different locations. Better yet, we'll have raved about each other, because we just couldn't help it.
And, of course, we'll have laughed. A lot.
We'll have also had our fair share of struggles. We'll have argued and gotten mad. We'll have cried and felt intense pain. But the foundation we'll have built, and been constantly building upon, will always have had our backs.
Because we will have always had each other’s backs.
And for that, I am eternally grateful.
I am so happy to just know, somehow, that our baggage will fit perfectly together, our hearts will fit perfectly together, and our lives will fit perfectly together. With all our flaws and everything.
I can't wait for my family to be so proud to have you join us, and I can't wait to be welcomed and loved by your family.
I can't wait to be able to smile at my friends, say a playful "told ya so," and point at you in response to why I've been so picky about the people I've dated all these years.
I can't wait to say "I do" and kiss your face in a room filled with our favorite people.
I can't wait to feel like we have the greatest love the universe has ever seen, even if there are others out there loving just as hard as we do.
I can't wait to spend forever with you, future best friend/husband/father to my children.
Last but not least… Damn, I can't wait to love you.
Your Future Best Friend/Wife/Mother To Your Children,
P.S. You're cute.
Published on Thought Catalog, April 17, 2015: http://thoughtcatalog.com/alyssa-piperis/2015/04/to-the-man-i-end-up-with-damn-i-cant-wait-to-love-you/
Published on The Good Men Project, April 19, 2015: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/to-the-man-i-end-up-with-damn-i-cant-wait-to-love-you-dg/