I wrote a thing that makes me swoon.
I've had this idea for a little while now that I want to make poignant, creative videos to accompany the poetry I've written. I guess I just really want to start creating content and putting it out into the world. And the night before New Year's Eve, my sweet lil old iPhone 6 passed away, so I did a think-fast upgrade to an iPhone 7, which has significantly better camera quality. It's gotten me eager to use my iPhone and get a camera and bring my ideas to life. So, being the silly goose that I am, I've been taking these artsy videos of myself at night...just, like, me changing into pajamas and getting ready for bed and reciting my poetry as though I'm playing a role. It's kind of funny and embarrassing, but also no shame, ya know? That being saaaaid: Tonight, after taking some videos of me in my jammies working through a poem of mine, I started to feel some mushy, romantic feelings. I'm in this exciting place in my life where I'm very secure in my singleness and love doing things alone (totally saw three movies alone this week and went on a solo walk in the rain and had a grand old time). Whenever I feel that natural longing for romance or a long hug at the end of a long day, I find ways to show myself a little extra love. So tonight I wrote myself a romantic little something, kind of in the eyes of a lover who sees me in this magical way I know somebody will one day see me. It gives me alllll the feels. When I think of my life, big picture-style, I see myself ending up with someone who keeps me laughing forever but is also a deep thinker and thoughtful writer; someone who sees me as lovingly as I see myself, and sees me for all the things I can't wait for someone to notice and adore about me. Here's a little taste of that...
“isn’t it funny?” she said.
“when we feel sad or empty inside, we say that our heart feels heavy. but when we say our heart is full, it’s because we feel light. that’s so weird and beautiful.”
and that’s when i realized i could listen to her talk forever.
i love watching her marvel at the universe and work through things in her head. she holds the pain of the world like a suitcase, but somehow she can find a belly laugh where no one else can. she asks me questions she knows there are no answers to, and she listens like i’m telling her the meaning of life.
i think maybe she is the meaning.
i don’t have the answer to a lot of things, but i know that she’s the answer to every question i’ve ever asked. i guess that’s pretty weird and beautiful, too.