Thought of the Day: My Semi-Taboo Recurring Thought
There’s this semi-taboo recurring thought I’ve had throughout my life that pops up here and there. It just awakens this particular bit of curiosity within me. It’s this idea that there are people we meet in life that we can’t be with in a way that’s socially acceptable. For instance, maybe you’re attracted to a coworker who’s married. Or, maybe you’re intrigued by someone much older or younger than you. In either scenario you may find yourself wondering, “What if we met when we were both single?” Or, “What if we were closer in age?”
There are men in my life that I’ve wondered about. I think about what our interactions would be like if we were both single. I wonder which married coworkers of mine would be interested in me if we had met at a different point in time when we were both romantically open and available. Sometimes I’ll even meet a charming 60-something man and wonder if he’d have swept me off my feet if we were adolescents at the same time. Okay, maybe my curiosity about a 60-something dude sounds a little bizarre, but I just have these places my mind wanders to. I know it’s normal, even if it sounds crazy.
I believe everything is meant to be and happens the way it’s supposed to, so I don’t wish I could change anything or turn back time. This is all simply curiosity. When I share jokes and talk about past relationships and heartbreak with guy friends and coworkers who are unavailable, I can’t help but have this kind of knowing sense that men who can’t pursue me probably would have at a different point in time that doesn’t exist. Or maybe I would have pursued them if that was appropriate. It’s interesting to think about, but also kinda irrelevant, because there’s no action to be taken and nothing I want to do to change any of this.
In letting my mind wander to these interesting places, I’m also able to think rationally. I think about how people who have respect for their significant other and the relationship they’re in switch off the part of their brain that is openly attracted to and interested in others in a romantic way. That’s just how it goes. When you commit to someone, you’re choosing that person. You’re making the decision to not get romantically involved with anyone else or explore other relationships in a way that would betray your partner and the relationship you’ve built with them.
When you’re in a relationship, you could easily meet someone that you might have pursued when you were single, but because you’re in a relationship, your thought process never even gets far enough to be like, “Hm, I could date that person.” Instead, you just think, “That’s a cool person” and don’t give it a second thought.
But, if you’re not confident in your relationship and the person you’re with, your mind might wander a little further and you might entertain ideas that are inappropriate. Even if you don’t act on these thoughts, the fact that they’re in your head speaks volumes. If you’re not secure in what you have, there’s an emptiness and confusion that keeps you up at night and leaves you with this uneasy feeling. I know what that’s like. I used to lie in bed next to someone I didn’t trust, and it was awful. I’d take lonely nights over feeling empty beside a boyfriend any day. That’s why I take relationships so seriously and am so picky. I meet so many genuinely nice guys, but I’m looking for the one that lights my soul on fire. As my friend recently pointed out, I have a wandering soul, as opposed to a wandering eye, when it comes to men and dating. If I don’t feel completely confident about someone I’m seeing, I start thinking about who I’m potentially missing out on. I’ll start looking around the room at a bar or at the gym or wherever I am, wondering if there’s someone else I could connect with that’s better for me. But, of course, I wouldn’t be like that if I was with the right person. When I’m in love with someone, they have my full attention. Obviously things can change and you can lose interest in someone you once really liked or loved, but as long as I’m confident in you and what we have, you’ve got me.
I understand that there’s probably lots of people I share this planet with that I could have a happy life with for the most part, but I want to be with the person that makes me believe wholeheartedly that there couldn’t possibly be a better fit for me out there.
I think about male celebrities I adore and see as above-and-beyond boyfriends, husbands, and fathers— i.e. Aaron Paul, Justin Baldoni, John Krasinski, Barack Obama, John Legend, Ryan Reynolds, Dax Shepard, Hugh Jackman. Okay, I’ll stop there. These men make me stop and think, Damn, that’s the kind of man I want to end up with. Seeing them show love and be vulnerable reminds me that I don’t have it in me to settle. It reminds me that no matter how lonely I get or how frustrating it can be to not feel a spark, it’s all leading me to the person I’m supposed to be with. So, it’s okay to wonder about guy friends and coworkers and random people you meet. It’s okay to think about what it would be like if you met a certain someone at a different point in time. That’s a part of life. Our minds take us to weird places and we entertain abstract thoughts, but it’s important to respect others’ relationships, respect ourselves, and surround ourselves with people and lovers we respect.
That’s all I got for now. Over and out!