#filterlysspoetry: "resist me."

i woke up

with the faint taste

of whiskey

on my breath,

my sheets and blanket

wrapped around me

like the air of excitement

i felt.

you know when you

get into bed at

the end of the night

after making

an unexpected connection

that gives you that

“this could be something” feeling,

and as you wake up

the next morning,

a little groggy,

before your conscious self

has even pieced together

the events from

the night before,

you feel an excitement

that you can’t place?

that’s what i felt.

i slowly

started to remember

your eyes,

how our hands kept

finding their ways

to each other

under the bar top

as we talked to

friends and strangers,

that you looked me

right in my eyes

and told me i’m

“a unicorn.”

“beautiful.”

“trouble.”

“hard to resist.”

“so, don’t,”

i countered,

in a way that was

50 percent dominating

and 50 perfect innocent.

don’t resist.

i wanted to kiss you

in that semi-crowded dive bar

and wake up alone

in my own bed

with the faint taste

of whiskey on my breath

and that “this could be something” feeling.

and then,

not very slowly at all,

i remembered.

“i have a girlfriend.”

“you knew that, right?”

the answer was no.

i was 100 percent innocent

and we were

100 percent not happening.

the math didn’t add up.

“hard to resist”

no longer sounded sexy to me.

i was moving your hands off me

and screaming inside.

RESIST ME.

RESIST ME.

RESIST ME.

i still don’t know

if i was internally screaming

at you

or my very first boyfriend

who probably

called other girls “trouble”

as he aggressively

hit on them

in college bars

when i was

across the country

finishing up high school.

i wonder if other girls

told him to

resist.

but i know

the responsibility

is not on

the other girls.